Is Morning Meditation Helpful? – POPSUGAR

I’m constantly on the search for new and better ways to increase productivity, especially in the mornings. I am not an early riser in the slightest, so anything that helps me hit the ground running as soon as I wake up, I’m game. So, when Ananda Giri-ji from One World Academy visited our POPSUGAR office in San Francisco for a meditation session, I was intrigued when he advised us to meditate first thing every morning before checking our phones or making our coffees. By doing so, he said that we nourish the “beautiful state of being” (more on that later) and we manifest our intentions into reality. Basically, it helps you start your day off on the best possible note.

For 45 minutes, Giri-ji discussed the practice of meditation with our small group, including the difference between what the wisdom school calls a beautiful state of being and a suffering state of being. The former refers to the positive emotions you’d associate like happiness, peace, love, creativity, connection, and passion, while the latter is any state of being that would limit you: fear, loneliness, anxiety, jealousy, etc. By striving to maintain a beautiful state of being as much as possible, you’re proactively trying to drive away the negative, resulting in an overall better mindset and well-being. Meditation is a way to shift your brain’s activity to the BSOB.

There are various ways you can practice meditation, but the main thing to remember is that it’s not about suspending thought, which is actually the antithesis of meditation, according to Giri-ji. Let your thoughts come in as they please instead of using all your efforts to block them out. You’ll end up more in the suffering state by worrying about what to think or not think and whether you’re doing it correctly. The objective of meditation is mindfulness and being in the present.

So, for every morning for a full workweek, I tried meditating for five minutes as soon I got up. I followed a shorter version of the eight- to 10-minute “soul sync practice” Giri-ji taught us with eight long inhalations and exhalations, eight more with audible humming, and the rest of the time visualizing myself melting into an infinite space. Here’s how it went.

I had trouble focusing. Maybe it was because it was Monday and I couldn’t stop thinking about my to-dos for the week. And of course when my boyfriend is usually still asleep at this time, I was startled in the middle of meditation when I heard, “Nicole! COME HERE!” I thought something was horribly wrong, but he wanted to show me scenes from his middle school play that his best friend had dug up, and they definitely were worth seeing. But then when I tried resuming my practice, it was even harder for me to focus and I couldn’t stop thinking about what coffee I wanted to drink after.

This morning was much better! I did at times get distracted because of stomach pains from the container of parmesan I ate the night before, but other than that, I found myself in a peaceful state. My mind didn’t race as much as yesterday, and the time went by much more quickly than I expected.

Today’s practice was the most nice and calming yet. It could’ve been because I woke up especially tired and it was kind of like a second sleep. Breathing felt so good, and this was the point when I thought to myself, “OK, I see you, meditation.”

I definitely drifted off into a mini sleep, which could be why the five minutes passed so quickly this time. But I didn’t wake to a groggy state as I expected. I felt slightly more refreshed than had I woken up after hitting snooze in bed.

I was really distracted this morning with thoughts about what was still left to complete on my list for the week. It was difficult to stop thinking about work and what I needed to pack for my trip the next week.

Final Thoughts

Overall, I found morning meditation to be a calming way to start off my day. I felt like I was actively turning my brain on earlier and didn’t have to wait for my coffee to kick in at the office for me to get going. I also realized that I have always sort of practiced a form of meditation each morning in the shower when I run through my mental list of to-dos and story ideas, except I found myself less frantic and more collected. I was able to enjoy my first cup of coffee at home without excessively thinking about my day ahead because I had already run through my mental notes. I didn’t expect five minutes to make any difference, but I was pleasantly surprised to experience its subtle benefits. Though it didn’t change my life or anything, it definitely helped me jump-start my day on a positive note and got my wheels turning sooner than usual. Close your eyes and try it for yourself!


Is Your Partner Uncomfortable With Receiving? Here’s How You … – Bustle

We’re always hearing that we could be having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship. But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist, to help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off limits, and all questions will remain anonymous. Please send your sex and relationship inquiries to Now, on to today’s topic: what to do if your partner feels too uncomfortable to receive.

Q: “My boyfriend and I have decided to wait to have sex, so we do foreplay stuff with each other instead. The problem is that he just can’t relax enough to let me do anything  to him — he always ends up taking over or giving up.

I am the first girl he has done anything with sexually. He has no problem doing stuff to me, so I don’t think the issue is that he is nervous about being sexual. It’s just that when it’s his turn, he tenses up and can’t relax — and he acknowledges this, so it’s not just in my mind.

So what can I do to help relax him beforehand? Play calming music? Light some soothing candles? Give him a massage? Or is this just a situation where only the passage of time will make him get more comfortable with receiving?

A: Thanks for the question! Most women are surprised to come across men who have difficulty letting themselves receive, but this is actually a much more common issue than you might think — and one that may come up regarding oral sex, manual stimulation, or other kinds of sex. Receiving can be a vulnerable act for men and women alike, and so many of us struggle with it. Here are seven ways to help your partner get comfortable enough to receive.

Tell Your Partner That You Want To Please Them


When someone has a hard time receiving, there’s usually some part of them that doesn’t really believe that the other person wants to give. Your boyfriend probably rationally understands that you want to please him, but he may have a hard time fully believing it. He may have had this insecurity for most of his life, or he might be especially nervous now that you’ve had a few instances together where he couldn’t relax. He might feel like a “burden” to you, or be worried that he has a limited amount of time to “get it together” before you lose your patience with him.

The best thing you can do is keep telling your boyfriend over and over that you’re genuinely invested in making sure he has a good time, and that you actually enjoy giving. Say something like, “I want you to know that I want to please you. I enjoy taking my time and getting to know your body. It’s OK if you’re feeling nervous, but I want you to know I’m not bothered and I’m not in a rush. I just want to give you as much enjoyment and pleasure as I can.”

You can also tell him specific details about what you enjoy or why you enjoy it, like, “I feel really connected to you when I’m focusing on you” or “I love feeling your penis in my mouth.”

Ask Questions About How Things Feel

As I mentioned before, a lot of people have difficulty receiving, so your boyfriend is definitely not alone. Still, it might be helpful to ask a few gentle questions about what the experience is like for him. Is he nervous because you’re the first person he’s ever been with? Maybe he just needs some time to get used to having a sexual relationship with another person. Or does he have a hard time receiving in other areas of his life, not just the bedroom? Is he always putting other people before himself, or taking care of everyone except for himself? You don’t need to be his therapist, but a few sensitive questions might help him start opening up.

I also want to mention the possibility that a person who has issues with receiving may have been abused in the past — either sexually or physically. This is not something to assume about any person who has issues receiving (or anyone, period), but it is something to be aware of. Male sexual abuse tends to not get a lot of press, but it absolutely does happen. Some abuse survivors have a hard time allowing their bodies to be touched; if your boyfriend ever gets jumpy, skittish, or scared when you try to touch him, that could be a sign of previous trauma.

This is a sensitive topic, so I don’t recommend coming out and asking about it directly; instead, make it clear that you want to hear anything he wants to tell you about his experience.

Play Up The Fairness Factor


When it comes to the actual time you two spend with each other, one way you can make him feel more comfortable is to try to spend equal amounts of time on each other. For example, you can say you’ll each spend 20 minutes going down on each other. You can even turn it into a little game. If he can feel like he’s just getting his “fair share” of time, he may feel more comfortable with receiving.

Let Him Go First

Another trick is to allow him to focus on you first. Let him finger you or go down on you. If he feels confident that he’s pleasured you, that may make it easier for him to relax and receive.

Make Some Relaxation Suggestions


In your email, you asked how you might be able to help your boyfriend relax. That’s a question that only he can answer, and, unfortunately, it can be really hard to know what you want or need — especially if you’re feeling nervous or embarrassed. If you were to ask him outright what he needs, he might struggle to come up with answers.

I think you came up with some great suggestions on your own — lighting candles, playing music, or giving him a massage. Rather than asking him to come up with his own answers, suggest all of those things to him, and ask what sounds best to him. It’s often easier to pick your favorite option out of a handful than it is to come up with your own ideas. When you make a suggestion, keep emphasizing the fact that you would genuinely enjoy doing that thing to him, so he doesn’t feel like he’s being a burden to you.

Keep Giving Reassurance

Even after following all of these tips, it’s likely that your boyfriend is still going to get tense in the moment itself. Keep giving him reassurance that you’re enjoying what you’re doing, and you’re not in a rush. Say something like, “I’m having a good time. I’ll stop whenever you tell me you’re ready for me to stop, but I want you to know I’d keep going.” You might feel like a broken record, but he’ll eventually start believing you!

Give It Time


You asked if this is a time issue. It sounds like you and your boyfriend are relatively new to each other, so it probably is a matter of giving the two of you a little bit of time to get to know each other’s bodies. This is also a good bit of reassurance to give your boyfriend. Say something like, “Hey, we’re still getting to know each other. I’m in no rush!”


Es Su Socio Incómodo Con La Recepción? He aquí Cómo Usted … – el Bullicio

Siempre estamos a la audiencia que podríamos tener mejor sexo, un mejor orgasmo, o una mejor relación. Pero ¿cuántas veces escuchamos el meollo de la cuestión de cómo podemos entender mejor a nuestros deseos más profundos y más preguntas embarazosas? El bullicio ha reclutado a Vanessa Marin, un terapeuta sexual, para que nos ayude con los detalles. No el género, la orientación sexual, o la pregunta está fuera de los límites, y todas las preguntas que permanecerá en el anonimato. Por favor enviar su sexo y relación de preguntas a Ahora, para el tema de hoy: ¿qué hacer si tu pareja se siente demasiado incómodo para recibir.

P: “Mi novio y yo hemos decidido esperar para tener relaciones sexuales, por lo que nos foreplay cosas el uno con el otro en su lugar. El problema es que él no puede relajarse lo suficiente como para que me deje hacer nada para él — él siempre termina teniendo más o renunciar.

Yo soy la primera chica que ha hecho algo con contenido sexual. Él no tiene ningún problema en hacer cosas para mí, así que no creo que el problema es que él está nervioso acerca de ser sexual. Es sólo que cuando es su turno, los tiempos verbales y no puede relajarse y él reconoce esto, así que no es sólo en mi mente.

Entonces, ¿qué puedo hacer para ayudar a relajar él de antemano? Reproducir música tranquilizante? La luz suave de las velas? Le doy un masaje? O se trata simplemente de una situación en la que solo el paso del tiempo hará que él se sienta más cómodo con la recepción?

Un: Gracias por la pregunta! La mayoría de las mujeres se sorprenden al venir a través de los hombres que tienen dificultad se dejan de recibir, pero en realidad es mucho más común de lo que se podría pensar — y uno de los que pueden surgir sobre el sexo oral, estimulación manual u otro tipo de sexo. La recepción puede ser vulnerable de la ley para hombres y mujeres por igual, y así muchos de nosotros lucha con él. Aquí hay siete maneras de ayudar a su pareja a conseguir lo suficientemente cómodo como para recibir.

Dígale A Su Pareja Que Desea A Favor De Ellos


Cuando alguien tiene un duro tiempo de la recepción, hay por lo general una parte de ellos que realmente no creen que la otra persona quiere dar. Su novio probablemente racionalmente entienda que usted desea a favor de él, pero él puede tener un tiempo difícil creer plenamente. Él puede haber tenido esa inseguridad para la mayor parte de su vida, o que podría ser especialmente nervioso ahora que he tenido un par de casos juntos, donde no podía relajarse. Él podría sentirse como una “carga” para usted, o estar preocupado de que él tiene una cantidad limitada de tiempo para “get it together” antes de perder la paciencia con él.

La mejor cosa que usted puede hacer es mantener decirle a tu novio que estás realmente invertido en asegurarse de que tiene un buen tiempo, y que realmente disfrutan dando. Decir algo como, “yo quiero que usted sepa que yo la quiero a usted por favor. Me gusta tomar mi tiempo y llegar a conocer tu cuerpo. Está bien si te sientes nervioso, pero quiero que sepan que no estoy molesta y yo no estoy en un apuro. Sólo quiero darte tanto el disfrute y el placer como puedo.”

También puede decirle los detalles específicos acerca de lo que te gusta o por qué te gusta, como, “me siento muy conectado cuando me estoy centrando en la que” o “me encanta sentir su pene en mi boca.”

Hacer Preguntas Acerca De Cómo Se Sienten Las Cosas

Como he mencionado antes, un montón de gente tiene dificultad para recibir, por lo que su novio no es definitivamente solo. Aún así, puede ser útil pedir a un par de suaves preguntas acerca de lo que la experiencia es como la de él. Él está nervioso porque tú eres la primera persona a la que haya sido? Tal vez sólo necesita un poco de tiempo para acostumbrarse a tener una relación sexual con otra persona. O ¿se tiene un tiempo difícil recibir en otras áreas de su vida, no sólo en el dormitorio? Es siempre poner a otras personas antes que a sí mismo o cuidar de todo el mundo excepto a sí mismo? Usted no necesita ser su terapeuta, pero un par de preguntas sensibles podrían ayudarlo a iniciar la apertura.

También quiero mencionar la posibilidad de que una persona que tiene problemas con la recepción puede haber sido abusado en el pasado — ya sea sexualmente o físicamente. Esto no es algo para asumir acerca de cualquier persona que tiene problemas de recepción (o cualquier período), pero es algo a tener en cuenta. Macho abuso sexual tiende a no obtener una gran cantidad de prensa, pero absolutamente no suceda. Algunos de los sobrevivientes de abuso tienen un tiempo difícil permitiendo que sus cuerpos para ser tocado; si tu novio nunca se pone nervioso, asustadizo, o miedo al intentar tocarlo, que podría ser un signo de trauma anterior.

Este es un tema sensible, por lo que no recomiendo salir y preguntarle directamente; en su lugar, dejar claro que usted quiere oír nada de lo que él quiere decir acerca de su experiencia.

La Justicia Factor De


Cuando se trata de la hora real en la que dos pasan el uno con el otro, una manera de hacer que se sienta más cómodo es intentar pasar la misma cantidad de tiempo en cada uno de los otros. Por ejemplo, usted puede decir que usted va a pasar cada 20 minutos bajando en cada uno de los otros. Incluso se puede convertir en un pequeño juego. Si él puede sentir como él acaba de conseguir su “parte justa” de tiempo, puede sentirse más cómodo con la recepción.

Dejarlo Ir Primero

Otro truco es dejar que él se centra en usted primero. Deje que él dedo, o ir hacia abajo en usted. Si él se siente seguro de que él la complació, que puede hacer que sea más fácil para él para relajarse y recibir.

Hacer Algunas Sugerencias De Relajación


En su correo electrónico, le pregunté cómo usted puede ser capaz de ayudar a su novio a relajarse. Esa es una pregunta que sólo él puede responder, y, por desgracia, puede ser muy difícil saber lo que quiere o necesita, especialmente si te sientes nervioso o avergonzado. Si se le preguntara a él directamente lo que necesita, podría tener dificultades para conseguir respuestas.

Creo que usted vino para arriba con algunas excelentes sugerencias sobre su propia iluminación de las velas, la reproducción de música, o de darle un masaje. En lugar de pedirle a venir para arriba con sus propias respuestas, sugieren todas esas cosas a él, y pedir lo que suena mejor para él. A menudo es más fácil seleccionar tu opción favorita de un puñado de lo que está por venir para arriba con sus propias ideas. Cuando usted hace una sugerencia, seguir recalcando el hecho de que usted realmente disfrutar de hacer esa cosa para él, así que él no se siente como si estuviera siendo una carga para usted.

Seguir Dando Tranquilidad

Incluso después de seguir todos estos consejos, es probable que tu novio es todavía va a obtener tensa en el momento mismo. Mantener dándole la tranquilidad de que estás disfrutando de lo que estás haciendo, y usted no está en un apuro. Decir algo como, “estoy teniendo un buen momento. Voy a parar cuando me dices que estás listo para que me detenga, pero quiero que sepas que me gustaría seguir adelante.” Usted puede sentir como un disco rayado, pero con el tiempo va a empezar a creer!

Darle Tiempo Al Tiempo


Le pregunté si esto es un problema de tiempo. Suena como que usted y su novio son relativamente nuevos para cada uno de los otros, por lo que probablemente es una cuestión de dar las dos de un poco de tiempo para llegar a conocer unos a otros órganos. Este es también un buen poco de tranquilidad para darle a su novio. Decir algo como, “Hey, estamos todavía llegar a conocer el uno al otro. No tengo prisa!”


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