Name: Paul Weller.
Appearance: Bradley Wiggins in need of rehydration.
Occupation: Singer, songwriter, dad rocker.
Dad rocker? I think you mean absolute legend – the Jam, the Style Council, Stanley Road, more recent things … Are you a fiftysomething gentleman working in IT recruitment, perchance?
Shut up. Paul Weller is the voice of a generation. Relax. I meant dad rocker in the strictest sense: a rocker who is also a dad.
He’s got a kid, so what? He has seven kids.
Really? That does seem a lot. And he and his second wife, Hannah, are expecting another, it has been announced.
When? “The whole family are looking forward to meeting the littlest Weller in the summer,” according to a statement.
Eight kids! It’s like that terrible Steve Martin movie. I think you’ll find the Cheaper By the Dozen films were about a family with 12 kids.
Fine. It’s two-thirds of the way towards being like that terrible Steve Martin movie. Eight kids would put Weller in a dead heat with Mick Jagger in the offspring stakes, though.
I see what you mean by dad rocker now. And Sir Mick is 73. Weller still has plenty of time to overtake.
Does he have anything in particular to say about his continuing commitment to fatherhood? In 2012, he said: “You get certain people who go, ‘Ooh, seven children with four women’ and all that. But I don’t care, man. I love all my kids. They’re all special and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Aw. I suppose he deserves some time to relax with his children and play with the huge model railway he has built in his basement. You are confusing him with Rod Stewart, who also has eight kids.
My mistake. And Weller never relaxes. He has been hard at work in the past decade, putting out three albums since 2010.
They must have passed me by somehow. His latest is due to be released in May, and an arena tour is scheduled for next year.
Great! I’ll be there, right up front, screaming for The Eton Rifles. I’m sure he’ll be thrilled.
Do say: “Peppa Pig – now that’s entertainment.”
Don’t say: “Hey, Mick, can I drop the twins round for a bit? I’ve got to get some shopping in.”